Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
