Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
