Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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