Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
