i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
