I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
