last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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