a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize