My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
