Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hippo gnu deer
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
