So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
