Me. At least after what I've been through.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
