You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
