So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
