all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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