We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize