umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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