need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
