I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize