My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
