I haven't been this sober since birth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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