after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
