No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
