So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
