Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
