I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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