there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
