party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
