There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i believe in u and ur pee
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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