She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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