Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
