Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My pussy is not your playground.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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