I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
