Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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