worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
