dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
