There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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