who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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