dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
3 2 1 whiskey
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
