just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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