i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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