wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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