when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize