you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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