It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
