I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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