it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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