You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize