the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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