his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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