Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
