I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
