people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
