So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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