I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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