i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize