I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
