Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
