My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
