I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
