yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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