I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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