i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
