remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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