They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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