I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
