Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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