I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
