I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
