it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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