I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
