My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
